six word memoir

i wish that i could give the right person credit for the concept creation of the 6 word memoir.

but we really dont know. if you are alive and you invented it. tell me your name and give me proof and i will give you credit.

this is me not taking credit for it.

but i think that it is good. my Wolf sisters 6 word memoir is "i will follow my own path."

hers is sort of a mantra, a chant, something that she will recite while wearing native american headresses and dancing for the rain to come on the crops. or just wearing normal clothes conveniently while it rains in her homestate which is often.

for another, a mike* if you will.

"its called earning a degree mike."

*name has either been changed because she remembered it wrong, or its right.

for those who root for the underdog. we are about 78% sure that mike did in fact earn a degree.

anyhow,

she brought this up to me and i like it. to have a motto, a short philosophy about life and whatnot, its pretty cool.

so lets give this a go.

never let go of this love:

is a good place to start, to remember why you feel love and for who (or is it whom, ive never been able to remember ((it is called going to college)) neither here nor there).

thats a good one, but how about:

slow to speak, quick to act.

again in terms if love. while it is all nice and cozy to hear those words from someone.

no one cares if i have to say the words i love you, if i dont show them that i do.

offer a hungry person my words of love or a hotdog, chances are they will see i love them by my hot dog, but not get a hotdog by my love for them. does this make sense. it does to me and it isnt your 6 word memoir...so there.

it is something greater than i.

im not going to explain this one. just going to leave a little silence for you to experience it on your own.

start experiencing.

you may stop now.

here is another.

lets have one helluvin experience together.

thats all for now.

its kind of fun. you should try it.

i love

the right to love

i love the ability to express my love in so many ways

i love that i can blog about anything i want, anonymously, and not see shame for it.

i love that i love, and that i can touch and see and hear and smell and feel.

i love that i can FEEL.

i love that no matter where i go, i can be me. and i can CHOOSE to not be me if i dont want to. its a powerful identity crisis.

those are just the thoughts on my head at this moment.

facing my fears in their face

i have a huge fear. one of the greatest. i have a fear of bridges. not standing on them. im fine with standing on them. because i feel over confident in my swimming abilities i spose.

my fear is more concentrated to being in a car on a bridge. because im scared of being in a car underwater.

odd, yet i find it completely rational.

the greatest gift, the greatest act of love that i have experienced would have to be for my 21st birthday. my love at the time surprised me by leading me out to our cars in the morning.

upon opening the door of my escort, whom i called Lloyd (r.i.p. buddy) i see on the drivers side a life hammer in its holster.

in addition to that, he had positioned one on the inner passenger side of his car, so that when i was in his car i still felt safe. THAT is love. i wish i had thought of that myself :]

http://www.lifehammer.com/

The Original Life Hammer®

anyhow.

i faced my fears. not by choice exactly.

i have driven over plenty of bridges in my day, or have ridden over them (which is scarier because im not in control).

but in the past 2 weeks i have gotten stuck on them twice.

over the water.

in my car.

once was a traffic jam.

the other...the drawbridge went up. and holy heck that was terrifying.

it didnt make my fear go away by any means, it is very much still in tact.

but it makes me realize fear itself wont kill you.

and its okay to be scared of something.

inspirational? hardly.

just an experience.

however, my fear is no match for what was waiting on the other end of it.

i would gladly cross any bridge if there was love on the other side.

do what you can with what you have.

i cant reiterate enough how we should spend our lives doing what we can with what we have.

who is to say this life is for living just to benefit ourselves. its far more fulfilling to help others.

this thought is on my mind today as i venture out for a meaningful scar.

i will show you later :]

how can i help others?

how can we love each other more?

how can we all be happy?

man on the corner

Man On The Corner.

There are two houses on the corner of a street closes to my house.

One is a halfway house. The police watch it damn near 24/7 and i dont believe many of them are even allowed to leave.

the other is a big brick house, with ivy growing up the walls; the green arms reaching and grasping to anything to keep it crawling higher.

outside one of these houses, the residents sit on the porch, some talking to themselves, some smoking their independently rolled cigarettes.

across the road in front of the brick house, an older man in his fifties stands outside with a cowboy hat on, holding a boombox from the 1990s, the early 1990s. Sometimes he carries a bible. sometimes he stands with his hands folded.

it occured to me the other day as i passed Cowboy on the way to work, "what if this man is God?" a lone ranger on the corner, watching over people as they pass. i wonder 'should i capitalize the H in him? should i stop and ask him questions?' Should i ask him if i am leading my life correctly? am i pleasing Him? This man could very well just be crazy.

but what if?

What if at the end of it all He asks me "i was there. You passed me many times a week. and you NEVER stopped to say hi."

Then i wonder...

what if he is the convict sitting on the porch of the house across the street?

What if i stopped in front of the stop sign 20 feet from the hous eevery day, and locked my doors...only to lock my doors from him?

what if i kept looking forwarded and avoided him.

what if i have been doing it all wrong because i am a judgemental fool?

the what ifs will drive you crazy.

freshness factor five thousand

http://freshnessfactorfivethousand.blogspot.com

i posted this comment to one of the posts.

in almost everything i have read on FFF blog, it brings to mind this:

"It always makes me proud to love the world somehow- hate's so easy compared."

— Jack Kerouac (Big Sur)

this is no exception.

minds like yours and mine and all the beautiful people who read this blog for what it really is, understand and show this love. what a powerful thing.

it will make a difference j.

you are doing such a thing.

(and so are we all, if we do something other than nothing.)

: ]

allergic reaction

to raw food diet.

thats a lie.

its to the fruits im eating.

regardless, im prescribed a non raw diet.

which is good because i was getting food restless anyways.

im still eating healthy...likely more than i should but whatev.

i love this life.

its awful good to me.

how are you feeling today?

something on my mind. in lyric form.

you're just a rich boy with a mind of your own, feeling so lonely yet you've never been alone and i wonder what you think of when you think of me, or does it happen so infrequently...and i wonder.

sleep deprivation (now with oxygen!)

its also a powerful feeling to not sleep.

you feel highs and lows.

right now, i cant tell which one i am in.

i am about to go take advantage of the saturday market in town.

and take advantage of coffee.

i will violate you Coffee.

you are warned. :]

drugs are bad.

addictions are bad.

i used to have a serious addiction. thats a lie, i still do.

subway.

i know for a fact that its not just me that thinks sandwiches taste better when made by someone else. and even moreso when its someone you like. i have made friends with darn near most of the regular workers at the nearby subways and on and off for about 5 years i have eaten there more than a couple times a week.

they know me. or at least we laugh and they make me food.

the hardest part of breaking an addiction is the cravings.

i got out one night and was tired, hungry, and irritable. (happens to the best of us)

and all i wanted was the convenient goodness of an oven roasted chicken breast.

it was SO mental. i WANTED it. i didnt NEED it.

it was hard to overcome, especially since i passed 3 on the way home.

but i have to admit. it felt good to make it home and have some zucchini and onions.

i feel much better. energized, proud.

it feels good to know im doing something that is a challenge for me.

i challenge us all to do the same.

stolen.

so if the grammar is no bueno...then i am apologetic towards it.

its something i heard today, and posted at a different time.

:]

its important and needs to be heard.

sigue siendo tu propia inspiracion..... para que me sigas inspirando

again, if its conjugated wrongly, im sorry:]

sabbatical.

i dont know if i have discussed in length my sabbatical.
i am far too lazy to check and see if i have in these posts, so i will

speak of it again.

i went on a sabbatical.
to quote the dictionary, or A dictionary rather:
Sab·bat·i·cal   [suh-bat-i-kuhl] Show IPA
–adjective
1.
of or pertaining or appropriate to the Sabbath.
2.
( lowercase ) of or pertaining to a sabbatical year.
3.
( lowercase ) bringing a period of rest.
–noun
4.
( lowercase ) sabbatical year.
5.
( lowercase ) any extended period of leave from one's customary work, esp. for rest, to acquire new skills or training, etc.

See Also:

Psychotic break

A psychotic break is a (layman) term used to describe the first time

that a person experiences an episode of primary psychosis.

it was not bad by any means.

i did not shirk responsibilities nor as i irresponsible (if you dont count the money i certainly should not have spent for which i have nothing to show for it but said sabbatical).

it felt amazing.

i ran off in my car and ventured with loved ones to feel love.

i sought after that high of being around those that have a strong connection with you.

it was quite the high. a 4 day high i continued to seek once i returned.

i would sit in a coffee shop with my laptop and a perfect cup of coffee in recycled cups made from baristas with bandanas and dreadlocks and just soak it all in. it felt tantric, like i was making love those those other seekers who yearned and burned for the same contact and spiritual lovemaking that i sought after.

i can tell you with 100% confidence that at no time during this period was i high on any substance. i did drink one of those nights which led to an amazing time with a stranger in a cab (not sexually, but that is another story best left for a time you arent already judging me :] )

i felt strong and invincible.

life before this did not apply to me.

i didnt think of my family or my troubles.

i escaped to my own inner sanctuary.

it was amazing. liberating. freeing and defining.

i was amazed. liberated. freed and defined.

it was so epiccaly beautiful.

i think EVERYONE needs a sabbatical.

just go. disappear.

turn off your phone.

log out of your email.

stop updating facebook for the love of god.

no instant messaging.

no voicemail.

be around those only cognitive to your development.

feel something real. feel something NEW.

to just experience something.

its quite powerful.

my goal is to now have my life be a mini psychotic break daily.

there isnt a good clear way to end this with a solid conclusion. so im just gonna go at it.

this is what it reminds me of:

Rumspringa (also Rumschpringe or Rumshpringa, derived from the Pennsylvania German term for "running around")^[1] generally refers to a period of adolescence for some members of theAmish, a subsect of the Anabaptist Christian movement, that begins around the age of sixteen and ends when a youth chooses baptism within the Amish church or instead leaves the community.

this is what i had. a Rumspringa.

i came back having decided my life was going to be different.

why live life for just one when you can live it for all?

id like to say it is the age old question, but ive yet to hear it be asked.

i dislike this reference

i must preface this by saying that i a NOT a twilight junkie.

i have seen one and a half of the movies.

but i will readily admit that twilight is a good storyline, and i enjoy both the writing and the direction for the book/screenplay/movie.

my whole love for love can be seen similar to twilight.

in the movie you can tell, and feel the love that they have for each other.

i feel that with so many people.

the emotion is strong and intense and beautiful.

i also believe, on an unrelated note.

that one who experiences love on such a deep level, may also know what its like to experience hatred.

they dont go hand in hand, but you can feel both with such intensity.

i dont hate much.

but there are some things.

i HATE mayonnaise.

i hate the way i feel about a certain person. there is one person who hurts my heart more than anything with just their being.

i can be honest enough to say i hate the way this person makes me feel. they say distasteful and upsetting things and it hurts my heart.

and i wish i could learn to love this person in a way that i love others...even if they dont reciprocate.

i want to fall completely in love with the world.

but there are some things that need changing.

people need to stop doing bad things.

murder and rape and theft and violence.

ignorance.

why cant we be good people?

why cant they.

this world will be good one day.

how beautiful

life is beautiful.

there are some distinct moments or people that reinstill my faith in humanity and remember why i give.

here are some of them.

awkward moments.

that smile they give you.

when you look at that person...and find them looking back at you.

that moment when you look in the mirror and feel BEAUTIFUL.

when you are stopped at a light and notice the person in the car next to you in singing at the TOP of their lungs with no one else in the car.

when the most talented of people are humble and modest and dont realize how good they really are.

those who suck...but do it anyway just for the love of the art :]

the person who lets you in front of them in dead stop traffic jam or right when you realize you are about 4 seconds from missing your exit.

The person who invented netflix.

when someone buys coffee for the person behind them at the drive up coffee cart.

those who dont care whether or not the homeless are being helped by others, and though they may have a split second judgement about their appearance or the handwriting on the cardboard...they give them a couple bucks either and trade in their mass produced overpriced coffee for a travel mug of folgers.

little kids who have personality. those that arent drones or just robots. those with passion and excitement who love and enjoy life. i believe these little humans have the knowledge we all seek.

those who donate to charity.

everyone associated with St Jude childrens hospital.

celebrities who lead by example.

Angelina and Brad for loving all people, and loving children they know were born to be theirs. as well as working in New Orleans.

Jason Mraz for his work in ghana.

When companies use their money to help others.

the little kids who raised money for charity with lemonade stands, bracelets and original drawings.

pro bono lawyers

meals on wheels

doctors without borders

Toms freakin shoes.

those people who serve our country, and those who thank them face to face.

so many things. these are all on mymind for now. what are you doing to instill faith in humanity? to give humanity faith?

its beautiful

I do my thing, and you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.
Frederick E. Perl

i get really pissed when i find a really good quote that I was not the one to say it first.

thats basically my only thought on the subject.

i am going to choose to be thankful and grateful that there are other likeminded people in the world.

i love you frederick E perl.

Gusto. part 1/2

i had this drama teacher in high school. and i must admit, back in those days i wasnt as in tune with love and respect as i am now.

and i will tell you the breaking point, that came after many many things before that i wont divulge.

but this was it.

she asked us to lay on the floor.

and be butter.

our backs to the ground, relaxing all muscles like butter in a microwave.

i was blown away by this request in my theatre arts class but i obliged. and still felt silly.

until today.

i lay on my living room floor and pulled all of my muscles into my back.

i felt my body elongate and i felt tall, powerful, strong.

i imagined that i was outside. and that i was clinging to this earth with just my muscles.

there was no gravity; i was physically the reason that i was staying on the ground were my muscles gripping the ground. i focused on it. i breathed determination to not float into the sky.

and then i let it all go.

i let my stomach relax, my shoulders released.

i felt my back naturally arch the way it does just so.

i felt my eyes unsquint.

i felt my butt be a butt.

i felt all the muscles relax and the tension went away.

and i stayed on the ground.

it was then i felt like butter, completely relaxed and i smiled.

i took the punch and used those 22 muscles to smile.

but it felt great.

rather than feeling like a pile of blob, i felt like butter. and it actually felt nice.

i think the term meditation is used too tightly.

any moment in which you are able to escape and contemplate and reflect.

even when youre butter.

thanks Mrs B.

if i ever see you again, i promise i will be nicer, i will love you, and ill be butter.