i wont give up.

im horrible at yoga. im too distracted for traditional meditating. so instead i meditate with music. either on a drive, or in bed. i listen. i let it speak to me and i imagine lots of things: what it means to me, what it meant to the writer, what it means for the world. this one, by Mraz, is thought provoking. it is a devotion to my life, and all aspects of it. this will get personal. for that im not sorry.
this is my life anthem. this is what i want to remember all the time.

for my daughter.

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold

for my son.
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

in general, to the family unit i have created out of love:
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

not only for my daughter while in utero, who heard this daily through strong uterine walls after it was released to the public, but also for my life partner. we had spent a year seperated, while others viewed us as weak, it was the best thing we could have done for ourselves and each other. such a relationship as complicated as ours is not built upon the same foundation as other traditional relationships. there is a level of mutual respect and love and freedom. something that lets me know we are two people, sometimes one, but that we came first, not the chicken nor the egg:

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

again. family.
'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

for my love. my nontraditional spouse. my first soul mate:
I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.

for me. my life. im tough. i wont give up on myself. and i must acknowledge my family is who they are because of me, and that will never change.
I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

for the world. and all the love in it, and the love that is yet to be injected into it.
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

Jack is my Soulmate

"One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple."
— Jack Kerouac

"It always makes me proud to love the world somehow- hate's so easy compared."
— Jack Kerouac (Big Sur)

you see i may over complicate things with the way i feel in my heart.

this is it.

and that is all.

how beautiful

life is beautiful.

there are some distinct moments or people that reinstill my faith in humanity and remember why i give.

here are some of them.

awkward moments.

that smile they give you.

when you look at that person...and find them looking back at you.

that moment when you look in the mirror and feel BEAUTIFUL.

when you are stopped at a light and notice the person in the car next to you in singing at the TOP of their lungs with no one else in the car.

when the most talented of people are humble and modest and dont realize how good they really are.

those who suck...but do it anyway just for the love of the art :]

the person who lets you in front of them in dead stop traffic jam or right when you realize you are about 4 seconds from missing your exit.

The person who invented netflix.

when someone buys coffee for the person behind them at the drive up coffee cart.

those who dont care whether or not the homeless are being helped by others, and though they may have a split second judgement about their appearance or the handwriting on the cardboard...they give them a couple bucks either and trade in their mass produced overpriced coffee for a travel mug of folgers.

little kids who have personality. those that arent drones or just robots. those with passion and excitement who love and enjoy life. i believe these little humans have the knowledge we all seek.

those who donate to charity.

everyone associated with St Jude childrens hospital.

celebrities who lead by example.

Angelina and Brad for loving all people, and loving children they know were born to be theirs. as well as working in New Orleans.

Jason Mraz for his work in ghana.

When companies use their money to help others.

the little kids who raised money for charity with lemonade stands, bracelets and original drawings.

pro bono lawyers

meals on wheels

doctors without borders

Toms freakin shoes.

those people who serve our country, and those who thank them face to face.

so many things. these are all on mymind for now. what are you doing to instill faith in humanity? to give humanity faith?