i want to take the water in the gulf and run it through a brita filter.

i dont know how to fix that.

but i will.

how did we let this happen?

im heartbroken.

how many bottles of dawn do i have to buy? i wish i were there right now.

p.s. i found this comment on another blog. and i stole it. to you i took it from. thank you for posting. you have done your part. lets all do ours.

Telluselle said...

PS. Here is a link to the official numbers to call for anyone wanting to volunteer with the clean-up:

http://www.whitehouse.gov/deepwater-bp-oil-spill/

cultivating love

this man is incredible. up until his transition to death today. he has lived his life full of love, and preaching that specifically. Love is whats important. if we all cultivated love, lived love, just love, the world would be so much calmer, more serene. i cultivate love even more now Ryan. for you, for your wife. for your littles. thank you for bringing forth love into so many. at 12:36 you left this side and at 12:37 you were no doubt welcomed with open arms on the other and greeted with "well done my son, i could not be more proud. im so so happy you are here." im so happy you are just basking in love and light right now. dont worry, we'll take care of yuour family.

i wont give up.

im horrible at yoga. im too distracted for traditional meditating. so instead i meditate with music. either on a drive, or in bed. i listen. i let it speak to me and i imagine lots of things: what it means to me, what it meant to the writer, what it means for the world. this one, by Mraz, is thought provoking. it is a devotion to my life, and all aspects of it. this will get personal. for that im not sorry.
this is my life anthem. this is what i want to remember all the time.

for my daughter.

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold

for my son.
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

in general, to the family unit i have created out of love:
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

not only for my daughter while in utero, who heard this daily through strong uterine walls after it was released to the public, but also for my life partner. we had spent a year seperated, while others viewed us as weak, it was the best thing we could have done for ourselves and each other. such a relationship as complicated as ours is not built upon the same foundation as other traditional relationships. there is a level of mutual respect and love and freedom. something that lets me know we are two people, sometimes one, but that we came first, not the chicken nor the egg:

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

again. family.
'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

for my love. my nontraditional spouse. my first soul mate:
I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.

for me. my life. im tough. i wont give up on myself. and i must acknowledge my family is who they are because of me, and that will never change.
I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

for the world. and all the love in it, and the love that is yet to be injected into it.
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

Efforts.

to accomplish what needs to be accomplished...we must understand that TELLING people is action in its simplest form.
if you can nothing else...TELL SOMEONE.

http://jasonmraz.com/journal/2012/plan-it-earth/


save it friends. save it good.

quitcher bitchin.

harsh i know. and for that i am sorry. let me explain myself.
i dont often speak of things like this, but its been hard pressed on my mind.
im agrowin life. INSIDE MY PERSONS. thats not really something to be taken lightly.
this is not my first rodeo, yet for some reason it is much harder this go around. the estimate is that this being is supposed to arrive within 2 days time from now. and its quite the awkward emotion and feeling thats for sure. my body feels good and bad at the same time. i feel pulled in all different directions as well as pushed down by gravity and its evil vices. I am emotionally sound yet unstable.
im torn between moments of wanting so badly to have this person enter this world, and then others of wanting it to stay inside.
the past few days its been the former of the two. and i need to refocus.
there is a REASON this being is STILL IN THERE.
as a parent, a lover of my offspring i must remember i am willing to go to the ends of the earth for them. I would gladly trade my own comfort, mobility, safety and happiness to ensure they have their own. Why should this be any different? right now, i have comfort of knowing this person inside is comfortable. safe. happy. unaware. and simply because of my discomfort i will not allow myself to feel anything less.
it may be a constant reminder needed. but my body is doing something incredible. it is growing life. life which, to be very personal, was not expected to be.
when we agreed this was the path to take for another soulmate, we knew it might not happen. we trusted this universe and all that is in it. and it pulled through. I dont know why i was gifted such a thing. but i am. i refuse to accept this as anything other than a labor of love. every movement, every pain every step is important and necessary to its arrival, its happiness. and if we realy want to hippify it....
there is a purpose for everything related to this, and it is in some way affecting this world like the flap of a butterfly's wings.

if you arent invincible, does that make you vincible?

but i must admit, the feeling, the nitty gritty feeling that overwhelms you.

the pang the twang of hunger.

its kind of emotional, intense and really beautiful.

it makes you feel real, and faces you with your own needs.

you are NOT invincible.

you are vincible.

you need things.

you need sleep and water and food.

you need these things to survive and no matter how strong you are, without them you are a weak little pansy.

its quite romantic if you think about it.

it reminds you that of all things...you need to take care of you.

i feel that right now. and while i'm eager to put something in my belly, i almost want to let it linger so i can feel real a little bit longer.

i dont wish it on anyone, nor do i think people feeling hunger is okay.

but maybe this little feeling can connect us to those who have gone without for so long the pang doesnt even bother them anymore.

and we can really begin to connect and feel empathy.

we need to start realizing what we are capable of.

if you dont eat long enough to feel that feeling, and pay attention to what your body is singing to you, you will feel freed.

now go.

dont eat for a minute and see what im feeling about.

its kind of awesome.

Rachel Beckwith.

this is how Rachel Beckwith TikkunOlams...even after this perfect childs passing...

i checked this site 10 days ago....she had gone from 220$ to 194,000.00$ in the 4 days prior. since then...she is over 3/4 of a million...because she wanted people to have water. the site below is her webpage, ill post her story below.
http://www.mycharitywater.org/p/campaign?campaign_id=16396


here is her story courtesy of MSNBC
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43898825/ns/us_news-giving/t/-year-old-girls-clean-water-wish-takes-after-her-death/

SEATTLE — Rachel Beckwith wanted to raise $300 by her ninth birthday to help bring clean water to people in poor countries. Donors from across the world are making sure her wish is realized after her death, perhaps a thousand times over.
Rachel was about $80 short of her goal when she turned 9 in June, and then a horrific highway traffic accident took her life away last week. But news of the Bellevue, Wash., girl’s pluck and selflessness emerged after the tragedy, and it is inspiring thousands of people — most of them strangers — to push her dream along.
By Tuesday afternoon, her webpage that was set up to take contributions for charity:water, a nonprofit organization that brings clean drinking water to people in developing nations, had attracted more than $200,000 in pledges.
“What could have been simply a senseless ending to such a beautiful beginning of your story has turned into something so much more. I hope that if at all possible the obvious compassion so many others have shown in taking up your empathetic cause brings some peace to you and your family,” wrote one anonymous donor who pledged $31.

Rachel’s mother, Samantha Paul, posted a message Monday on the website: “I am in awe of the overwhelming love to take my daughter’s dream and make it a reality. In the face of unexplainable pain you have provided undeniable hope. Thank you for your generosity! I know Rachel is smiling!”
Rachel’s family attends EastLake Community Church, a nondenominational church of about 4,000 members in Bothell, a suburb northeast of Seattle. The church held a benefit concert in September that helped raise more than $300,000 for charity:water to bring clean water to the Bayaka tribe in the Central African Republic.
Scott Harrison, founder of charity:water, said he and the lead pastor of EastLake Community Church, Ryan Meeks, were in the Central African Republic touring the charity’s waterprojects last week when they learned that Rachel had been seriously injured in an accident.

Rachel was in a car with her mother and younger sister on Interstate 90 when a semitrailer jackknifed into a logging truck, causing a chain-reaction crash involving more than a dozen vehicles, according to media reports. The semi rear-ended the car carrying Rachel, the only person critically injured.
Rachel was taken off life support over the weekend.
Rachel had learned about charity:water’s work through EastLake Church, and on her mycharitywater.org webpage she explained why she wanted to raise $300.

“On June 12th 2011, I'm turning 9. I found out that millions of people don't live to see their 5th birthday. And why? Because they didn't have access to clean, safe water so I'm celebrating my birthday like never before. I'm asking from everyone I know to donate to my campaign instead of gifts for my birthday. Every penny of the money raised will go directly to fund freshwater projects in developing nations.”

Although she fell $80 short of her birthday goal, that was just the beginning.
Donations started flowing in when community members publicized her wishes after the accident, and really took off after her story appeared on KING 5 TV, in The Seattle Times and other local media outlets.
Rachel’s story also spread on social media, getting a boost from tweets by actress Alyssa Milano and Seattle Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck, KING 5 reported.
“There were 3,600 different donations as of today. Her little dream of helping 15 people has turned into almost 10,000 people and counting,” Harrison told msnbc.com.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if she gets 1000 times her wish.”
Ryan Meeks, the 32-year-old lead pastor at Eastlake Community Church, told KING 5 that Rachel would “light up the room” with her personality and be the first to make friends with new kids.
“There’s nothing natural about losing a 9-year-old girl,” Meeks told the television station. “It’s horrible. But there’s something that we’re attracted to when life comes out of death.”
Many pledges to the webpage have come from abroad (including several from Brazil); most are from people who had never met Rachel but were moved by her story.
“not just Rachel is smiling now, but thousand of people around the world. people feeling the good of donation and people having clean and safe water to drink. Rachel, continue your work to help our planet whereever you are!” wrote one man, Diego Fernandez, who pledged $9 for Rachel’s ninth birthday.
Harrison said the outpouring of generosity is heartwarming — but not necessarily unique.
“I’ve seen things like this happen before where people just rally behind simple ideas like clean water. The selflessness of a 9-year-old girl who said, ‘I don’t want a birthday party, I don’t want gifts, I just want people to have clean water’ — that’s the way it resonates with people. I’m not surprised it’s resonated with Rachel’s friends and church community and people around the world.”