sleep deprivation (now with oxygen!)

its also a powerful feeling to not sleep.

you feel highs and lows.

right now, i cant tell which one i am in.

i am about to go take advantage of the saturday market in town.

and take advantage of coffee.

i will violate you Coffee.

you are warned. :]

drugs are bad.

addictions are bad.

i used to have a serious addiction. thats a lie, i still do.

subway.

i know for a fact that its not just me that thinks sandwiches taste better when made by someone else. and even moreso when its someone you like. i have made friends with darn near most of the regular workers at the nearby subways and on and off for about 5 years i have eaten there more than a couple times a week.

they know me. or at least we laugh and they make me food.

the hardest part of breaking an addiction is the cravings.

i got out one night and was tired, hungry, and irritable. (happens to the best of us)

and all i wanted was the convenient goodness of an oven roasted chicken breast.

it was SO mental. i WANTED it. i didnt NEED it.

it was hard to overcome, especially since i passed 3 on the way home.

but i have to admit. it felt good to make it home and have some zucchini and onions.

i feel much better. energized, proud.

it feels good to know im doing something that is a challenge for me.

i challenge us all to do the same.

stolen.

so if the grammar is no bueno...then i am apologetic towards it.

its something i heard today, and posted at a different time.

:]

its important and needs to be heard.

sigue siendo tu propia inspiracion..... para que me sigas inspirando

again, if its conjugated wrongly, im sorry:]

sabbatical.

i dont know if i have discussed in length my sabbatical.
i am far too lazy to check and see if i have in these posts, so i will

speak of it again.

i went on a sabbatical.
to quote the dictionary, or A dictionary rather:
Sab·bat·i·cal   [suh-bat-i-kuhl] Show IPA
–adjective
1.
of or pertaining or appropriate to the Sabbath.
2.
( lowercase ) of or pertaining to a sabbatical year.
3.
( lowercase ) bringing a period of rest.
–noun
4.
( lowercase ) sabbatical year.
5.
( lowercase ) any extended period of leave from one's customary work, esp. for rest, to acquire new skills or training, etc.

See Also:

Psychotic break

A psychotic break is a (layman) term used to describe the first time

that a person experiences an episode of primary psychosis.

it was not bad by any means.

i did not shirk responsibilities nor as i irresponsible (if you dont count the money i certainly should not have spent for which i have nothing to show for it but said sabbatical).

it felt amazing.

i ran off in my car and ventured with loved ones to feel love.

i sought after that high of being around those that have a strong connection with you.

it was quite the high. a 4 day high i continued to seek once i returned.

i would sit in a coffee shop with my laptop and a perfect cup of coffee in recycled cups made from baristas with bandanas and dreadlocks and just soak it all in. it felt tantric, like i was making love those those other seekers who yearned and burned for the same contact and spiritual lovemaking that i sought after.

i can tell you with 100% confidence that at no time during this period was i high on any substance. i did drink one of those nights which led to an amazing time with a stranger in a cab (not sexually, but that is another story best left for a time you arent already judging me :] )

i felt strong and invincible.

life before this did not apply to me.

i didnt think of my family or my troubles.

i escaped to my own inner sanctuary.

it was amazing. liberating. freeing and defining.

i was amazed. liberated. freed and defined.

it was so epiccaly beautiful.

i think EVERYONE needs a sabbatical.

just go. disappear.

turn off your phone.

log out of your email.

stop updating facebook for the love of god.

no instant messaging.

no voicemail.

be around those only cognitive to your development.

feel something real. feel something NEW.

to just experience something.

its quite powerful.

my goal is to now have my life be a mini psychotic break daily.

there isnt a good clear way to end this with a solid conclusion. so im just gonna go at it.

this is what it reminds me of:

Rumspringa (also Rumschpringe or Rumshpringa, derived from the Pennsylvania German term for "running around")^[1] generally refers to a period of adolescence for some members of theAmish, a subsect of the Anabaptist Christian movement, that begins around the age of sixteen and ends when a youth chooses baptism within the Amish church or instead leaves the community.

this is what i had. a Rumspringa.

i came back having decided my life was going to be different.

why live life for just one when you can live it for all?

id like to say it is the age old question, but ive yet to hear it be asked.

i dislike this reference

i must preface this by saying that i a NOT a twilight junkie.

i have seen one and a half of the movies.

but i will readily admit that twilight is a good storyline, and i enjoy both the writing and the direction for the book/screenplay/movie.

my whole love for love can be seen similar to twilight.

in the movie you can tell, and feel the love that they have for each other.

i feel that with so many people.

the emotion is strong and intense and beautiful.

i also believe, on an unrelated note.

that one who experiences love on such a deep level, may also know what its like to experience hatred.

they dont go hand in hand, but you can feel both with such intensity.

i dont hate much.

but there are some things.

i HATE mayonnaise.

i hate the way i feel about a certain person. there is one person who hurts my heart more than anything with just their being.

i can be honest enough to say i hate the way this person makes me feel. they say distasteful and upsetting things and it hurts my heart.

and i wish i could learn to love this person in a way that i love others...even if they dont reciprocate.

i want to fall completely in love with the world.

but there are some things that need changing.

people need to stop doing bad things.

murder and rape and theft and violence.

ignorance.

why cant we be good people?

why cant they.

this world will be good one day.

how beautiful

life is beautiful.

there are some distinct moments or people that reinstill my faith in humanity and remember why i give.

here are some of them.

awkward moments.

that smile they give you.

when you look at that person...and find them looking back at you.

that moment when you look in the mirror and feel BEAUTIFUL.

when you are stopped at a light and notice the person in the car next to you in singing at the TOP of their lungs with no one else in the car.

when the most talented of people are humble and modest and dont realize how good they really are.

those who suck...but do it anyway just for the love of the art :]

the person who lets you in front of them in dead stop traffic jam or right when you realize you are about 4 seconds from missing your exit.

The person who invented netflix.

when someone buys coffee for the person behind them at the drive up coffee cart.

those who dont care whether or not the homeless are being helped by others, and though they may have a split second judgement about their appearance or the handwriting on the cardboard...they give them a couple bucks either and trade in their mass produced overpriced coffee for a travel mug of folgers.

little kids who have personality. those that arent drones or just robots. those with passion and excitement who love and enjoy life. i believe these little humans have the knowledge we all seek.

those who donate to charity.

everyone associated with St Jude childrens hospital.

celebrities who lead by example.

Angelina and Brad for loving all people, and loving children they know were born to be theirs. as well as working in New Orleans.

Jason Mraz for his work in ghana.

When companies use their money to help others.

the little kids who raised money for charity with lemonade stands, bracelets and original drawings.

pro bono lawyers

meals on wheels

doctors without borders

Toms freakin shoes.

those people who serve our country, and those who thank them face to face.

so many things. these are all on mymind for now. what are you doing to instill faith in humanity? to give humanity faith?

its beautiful

I do my thing, and you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.
Frederick E. Perl

i get really pissed when i find a really good quote that I was not the one to say it first.

thats basically my only thought on the subject.

i am going to choose to be thankful and grateful that there are other likeminded people in the world.

i love you frederick E perl.