harsh i know. and for that i am sorry. let me explain myself.
i dont often speak of things like this, but its been hard pressed on my mind.
im agrowin life. INSIDE MY PERSONS. thats not really something to be taken lightly.
this is not my first rodeo, yet for some reason it is much harder this go around. the estimate is that this being is supposed to arrive within 2 days time from now. and its quite the awkward emotion and feeling thats for sure. my body feels good and bad at the same time. i feel pulled in all different directions as well as pushed down by gravity and its evil vices. I am emotionally sound yet unstable.
im torn between moments of wanting so badly to have this person enter this world, and then others of wanting it to stay inside.
the past few days its been the former of the two. and i need to refocus.
there is a REASON this being is STILL IN THERE.
as a parent, a lover of my offspring i must remember i am willing to go to the ends of the earth for them. I would gladly trade my own comfort, mobility, safety and happiness to ensure they have their own. Why should this be any different? right now, i have comfort of knowing this person inside is comfortable. safe. happy. unaware. and simply because of my discomfort i will not allow myself to feel anything less.
it may be a constant reminder needed. but my body is doing something incredible. it is growing life. life which, to be very personal, was not expected to be.
when we agreed this was the path to take for another soulmate, we knew it might not happen. we trusted this universe and all that is in it. and it pulled through. I dont know why i was gifted such a thing. but i am. i refuse to accept this as anything other than a labor of love. every movement, every pain every step is important and necessary to its arrival, its happiness. and if we realy want to hippify it....
there is a purpose for everything related to this, and it is in some way affecting this world like the flap of a butterfly's wings.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
if you arent invincible, does that make you vincible?
but i must admit, the feeling, the nitty gritty feeling that overwhelms you.
the pang the twang of hunger.
its kind of emotional, intense and really beautiful.
it makes you feel real, and faces you with your own needs.
you are NOT invincible.
you are vincible.
you need things.
you need sleep and water and food.
you need these things to survive and no matter how strong you are, without them you are a weak little pansy.
its quite romantic if you think about it.
it reminds you that of all things...you need to take care of you.
i feel that right now. and while i'm eager to put something in my belly, i almost want to let it linger so i can feel real a little bit longer.
i dont wish it on anyone, nor do i think people feeling hunger is okay.
but maybe this little feeling can connect us to those who have gone without for so long the pang doesnt even bother them anymore.
and we can really begin to connect and feel empathy.
we need to start realizing what we are capable of.
if you dont eat long enough to feel that feeling, and pay attention to what your body is singing to you, you will feel freed.
now go.
dont eat for a minute and see what im feeling about.
its kind of awesome.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Rachel Beckwith.
this is how Rachel Beckwith TikkunOlams...even after this perfect childs passing...
i checked this site 10 days ago....she had gone from 220$ to 194,000.00$ in the 4 days prior. since then...she is over 3/4 of a million...because she wanted people to have water. the site below is her webpage, ill post her story below.
http://www.mycharitywater.org/p/campaign?campaign_id=16396
here is her story courtesy of MSNBC
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43898825/ns/us_news-giving/t/-year-old-girls-clean-water-wish-takes-after-her-death/
SEATTLE — Rachel Beckwith wanted to raise $300 by her ninth birthday to help bring clean water to people in poor countries. Donors from across the world are making sure her wish is realized after her death, perhaps a thousand times over.
Rachel was about $80 short of her goal when she turned 9 in June, and then a horrific highway traffic accident took her life away last week. But news of the Bellevue, Wash., girl’s pluck and selflessness emerged after the tragedy, and it is inspiring thousands of people — most of them strangers — to push her dream along.
By Tuesday afternoon, her webpage that was set up to take contributions for charity:water, a nonprofit organization that brings clean drinking water to people in developing nations, had attracted more than $200,000 in pledges.
“What could have been simply a senseless ending to such a beautiful beginning of your story has turned into something so much more. I hope that if at all possible the obvious compassion so many others have shown in taking up your empathetic cause brings some peace to you and your family,” wrote one anonymous donor who pledged $31.
Rachel’s mother, Samantha Paul, posted a message Monday on the website: “I am in awe of the overwhelming love to take my daughter’s dream and make it a reality. In the face of unexplainable pain you have provided undeniable hope. Thank you for your generosity! I know Rachel is smiling!”
Rachel’s family attends EastLake Community Church, a nondenominational church of about 4,000 members in Bothell, a suburb northeast of Seattle. The church held a benefit concert in September that helped raise more than $300,000 for charity:water to bring clean water to the Bayaka tribe in the Central African Republic.
Scott Harrison, founder of charity:water, said he and the lead pastor of EastLake Community Church, Ryan Meeks, were in the Central African Republic touring the charity’s waterprojects last week when they learned that Rachel had been seriously injured in an accident.
Rachel was in a car with her mother and younger sister on Interstate 90 when a semitrailer jackknifed into a logging truck, causing a chain-reaction crash involving more than a dozen vehicles, according to media reports. The semi rear-ended the car carrying Rachel, the only person critically injured.
Rachel was taken off life support over the weekend.
Rachel had learned about charity:water’s work through EastLake Church, and on her mycharitywater.org webpage she explained why she wanted to raise $300.
“On June 12th 2011, I'm turning 9. I found out that millions of people don't live to see their 5th birthday. And why? Because they didn't have access to clean, safe water so I'm celebrating my birthday like never before. I'm asking from everyone I know to donate to my campaign instead of gifts for my birthday. Every penny of the money raised will go directly to fund freshwater projects in developing nations.”
Although she fell $80 short of her birthday goal, that was just the beginning.
Donations started flowing in when community members publicized her wishes after the accident, and really took off after her story appeared on KING 5 TV, in The Seattle Times and other local media outlets.
Rachel’s story also spread on social media, getting a boost from tweets by actress Alyssa Milano and Seattle Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck, KING 5 reported.
“There were 3,600 different donations as of today. Her little dream of helping 15 people has turned into almost 10,000 people and counting,” Harrison told msnbc.com.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if she gets 1000 times her wish.”
Ryan Meeks, the 32-year-old lead pastor at Eastlake Community Church, told KING 5 that Rachel would “light up the room” with her personality and be the first to make friends with new kids.
“There’s nothing natural about losing a 9-year-old girl,” Meeks told the television station. “It’s horrible. But there’s something that we’re attracted to when life comes out of death.”
Many pledges to the webpage have come from abroad (including several from Brazil); most are from people who had never met Rachel but were moved by her story.
“not just Rachel is smiling now, but thousand of people around the world. people feeling the good of donation and people having clean and safe water to drink. Rachel, continue your work to help our planet whereever you are!” wrote one man, Diego Fernandez, who pledged $9 for Rachel’s ninth birthday.
Harrison said the outpouring of generosity is heartwarming — but not necessarily unique.
“I’ve seen things like this happen before where people just rally behind simple ideas like clean water. The selflessness of a 9-year-old girl who said, ‘I don’t want a birthday party, I don’t want gifts, I just want people to have clean water’ — that’s the way it resonates with people. I’m not surprised it’s resonated with Rachel’s friends and church community and people around the world.”
i checked this site 10 days ago....she had gone from 220$ to 194,000.00$ in the 4 days prior. since then...she is over 3/4 of a million...because she wanted people to have water. the site below is her webpage, ill post her story below.
http://www.mycharitywater.org/p/campaign?campaign_id=16396
here is her story courtesy of MSNBC
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43898825/ns/us_news-giving/t/-year-old-girls-clean-water-wish-takes-after-her-death/
SEATTLE — Rachel Beckwith wanted to raise $300 by her ninth birthday to help bring clean water to people in poor countries. Donors from across the world are making sure her wish is realized after her death, perhaps a thousand times over.
Rachel was about $80 short of her goal when she turned 9 in June, and then a horrific highway traffic accident took her life away last week. But news of the Bellevue, Wash., girl’s pluck and selflessness emerged after the tragedy, and it is inspiring thousands of people — most of them strangers — to push her dream along.
By Tuesday afternoon, her webpage that was set up to take contributions for charity:water, a nonprofit organization that brings clean drinking water to people in developing nations, had attracted more than $200,000 in pledges.
“What could have been simply a senseless ending to such a beautiful beginning of your story has turned into something so much more. I hope that if at all possible the obvious compassion so many others have shown in taking up your empathetic cause brings some peace to you and your family,” wrote one anonymous donor who pledged $31.
Rachel’s mother, Samantha Paul, posted a message Monday on the website: “I am in awe of the overwhelming love to take my daughter’s dream and make it a reality. In the face of unexplainable pain you have provided undeniable hope. Thank you for your generosity! I know Rachel is smiling!”
Rachel’s family attends EastLake Community Church, a nondenominational church of about 4,000 members in Bothell, a suburb northeast of Seattle. The church held a benefit concert in September that helped raise more than $300,000 for charity:water to bring clean water to the Bayaka tribe in the Central African Republic.
Scott Harrison, founder of charity:water, said he and the lead pastor of EastLake Community Church, Ryan Meeks, were in the Central African Republic touring the charity’s waterprojects last week when they learned that Rachel had been seriously injured in an accident.
Rachel was in a car with her mother and younger sister on Interstate 90 when a semitrailer jackknifed into a logging truck, causing a chain-reaction crash involving more than a dozen vehicles, according to media reports. The semi rear-ended the car carrying Rachel, the only person critically injured.
Rachel was taken off life support over the weekend.
Rachel had learned about charity:water’s work through EastLake Church, and on her mycharitywater.org webpage she explained why she wanted to raise $300.
“On June 12th 2011, I'm turning 9. I found out that millions of people don't live to see their 5th birthday. And why? Because they didn't have access to clean, safe water so I'm celebrating my birthday like never before. I'm asking from everyone I know to donate to my campaign instead of gifts for my birthday. Every penny of the money raised will go directly to fund freshwater projects in developing nations.”
Although she fell $80 short of her birthday goal, that was just the beginning.
Donations started flowing in when community members publicized her wishes after the accident, and really took off after her story appeared on KING 5 TV, in The Seattle Times and other local media outlets.
Rachel’s story also spread on social media, getting a boost from tweets by actress Alyssa Milano and Seattle Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck, KING 5 reported.
“There were 3,600 different donations as of today. Her little dream of helping 15 people has turned into almost 10,000 people and counting,” Harrison told msnbc.com.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if she gets 1000 times her wish.”
Ryan Meeks, the 32-year-old lead pastor at Eastlake Community Church, told KING 5 that Rachel would “light up the room” with her personality and be the first to make friends with new kids.
“There’s nothing natural about losing a 9-year-old girl,” Meeks told the television station. “It’s horrible. But there’s something that we’re attracted to when life comes out of death.”
Many pledges to the webpage have come from abroad (including several from Brazil); most are from people who had never met Rachel but were moved by her story.
“not just Rachel is smiling now, but thousand of people around the world. people feeling the good of donation and people having clean and safe water to drink. Rachel, continue your work to help our planet whereever you are!” wrote one man, Diego Fernandez, who pledged $9 for Rachel’s ninth birthday.
Harrison said the outpouring of generosity is heartwarming — but not necessarily unique.
“I’ve seen things like this happen before where people just rally behind simple ideas like clean water. The selflessness of a 9-year-old girl who said, ‘I don’t want a birthday party, I don’t want gifts, I just want people to have clean water’ — that’s the way it resonates with people. I’m not surprised it’s resonated with Rachel’s friends and church community and people around the world.”
i have not disappeared, nor lost my fingers.
but i have learned a lot about myself in the recent months.
ive continued my efforts.
and i will forever continue them.
love is too beautiful to not share with even the most unassuming of strangers.
here we continue...
ive continued my efforts.
and i will forever continue them.
love is too beautiful to not share with even the most unassuming of strangers.
here we continue...
Monday, July 4, 2011
i get twice as hippy when im drunk.
ill spare you a twice as hippy post.
or will i.
be safe on this fourth of july. and remember,
only you can prevent forest fires.
(and house fires. and building fires. and oil fires. and matches catching on fire. and fireplace fires. FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRES.)
dont drink and drive also please.
thats just stupid.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
sleepy and contemplating.
love.
its beautiful.
ive found that it can be ugly, when it hurts, but its still there. its love. its so incredibly intense it almost feels fake, but at the same time oh so real.
yes im rambling.
but thats because there is so much of it out there. why are we not embracing every opportunity to feel love and happiness?
work is a job.
it consumes a lot of our life and is necessary. 40+ hours a week for a full timer...
but there is much more than 40 hours in a week and we must realize this.
be it playing soccer with your kid for 10 minutes in your backyard
or slow dancing with your spouse for one song in your living room
helping your parents cook dinner for no special occasion
getting a little knick knack you know your friend will like
approaching someone new and talking to them about any and everything
reaching out for a friend and being available to be reached out to.
there are COUNTLESS opportunities for love every day and we often over look it.
take a moment and for every person in your life that you love, and really love, do something simple for them.
send a message just reminding them you love them, even if you dont talk everyday.
send an actual letter. it takes 4 minutes to write, less than 50 cents to send and a trip to the mailbox and its guaranteed to make them smile.
leave post its.
send silly picture messages.
talk for hours.
little things.
how have i been putting this into action?
calling a friend to see if i could pick them up some food on my way over.
3 hour video chat date with an out of town friend.
sending a reminder "i love you" message to a friend who was on vacation.
laying and talking with my son for 5 minutes before we got up for the day.
IM chats with a friend going through a rough time.
sending a few postcards for no reason (remind me to walk them to the mailbox...)
taking my brother on an errand without question or dissatisfaction.
visiting friends
breakfast dates of homemade food.
calling to see how a persons day was.
taking a sick friend gatorade and ramen.
posting silly links that will brighten a persons day specifically for them.
random calls just to chat. (how often we forget to do this since texting became a phenomenon).
this was all just within the last 3 days.
pass it along friends.
we need each other.
we need love.
i love you.
its beautiful.
ive found that it can be ugly, when it hurts, but its still there. its love. its so incredibly intense it almost feels fake, but at the same time oh so real.
yes im rambling.
but thats because there is so much of it out there. why are we not embracing every opportunity to feel love and happiness?
work is a job.
it consumes a lot of our life and is necessary. 40+ hours a week for a full timer...
but there is much more than 40 hours in a week and we must realize this.
be it playing soccer with your kid for 10 minutes in your backyard
or slow dancing with your spouse for one song in your living room
helping your parents cook dinner for no special occasion
getting a little knick knack you know your friend will like
approaching someone new and talking to them about any and everything
reaching out for a friend and being available to be reached out to.
there are COUNTLESS opportunities for love every day and we often over look it.
take a moment and for every person in your life that you love, and really love, do something simple for them.
send a message just reminding them you love them, even if you dont talk everyday.
send an actual letter. it takes 4 minutes to write, less than 50 cents to send and a trip to the mailbox and its guaranteed to make them smile.
leave post its.
send silly picture messages.
talk for hours.
little things.
how have i been putting this into action?
calling a friend to see if i could pick them up some food on my way over.
3 hour video chat date with an out of town friend.
sending a reminder "i love you" message to a friend who was on vacation.
laying and talking with my son for 5 minutes before we got up for the day.
IM chats with a friend going through a rough time.
sending a few postcards for no reason (remind me to walk them to the mailbox...)
taking my brother on an errand without question or dissatisfaction.
visiting friends
breakfast dates of homemade food.
calling to see how a persons day was.
taking a sick friend gatorade and ramen.
posting silly links that will brighten a persons day specifically for them.
random calls just to chat. (how often we forget to do this since texting became a phenomenon).
this was all just within the last 3 days.
pass it along friends.
we need each other.
we need love.
i love you.
Monday, February 21, 2011
just random crap
thats what stumbleupon was made for ; ]
but this jumped out at me:
You know it's love when the tiny details about
another person, ones that are insignificant to most
people, seem fascinating and incredible to you....Unknown
read all of em here
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/27XFE4/www.midnightangel308.com/love_quote.htm
but this jumped out at me:
You know it's love when the tiny details about
another person, ones that are insignificant to most
people, seem fascinating and incredible to you....Unknown
read all of em here
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/27XFE4/www.midnightangel308.com/love_quote.htm
Thursday, February 17, 2011
touching base with a thought....
"Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth "You owe me". Just think what a love like that can do."
eat it. live it. love it. share it. be it.
eat it. live it. love it. share it. be it.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
love.
love yourself.
you are beautiful.
the way you are.
you have such capabilities!
dont let someones thoughts or words prevent you from reaching potential!
self improvement is an ongoing mission.
but realize its improvement, not FIXING. you are you and you are wonderful and beautiful.
you arent fat.
you arent ugly.
you arent stupid.
you arent worthless.
you are beautiful.
wonderful.
precious.
sweet.
lovely.
love.
and as long as you love you, and have love for others, you will be happy.
promises.
you are beautiful.
the way you are.
you have such capabilities!
dont let someones thoughts or words prevent you from reaching potential!
self improvement is an ongoing mission.
but realize its improvement, not FIXING. you are you and you are wonderful and beautiful.
you arent fat.
you arent ugly.
you arent stupid.
you arent worthless.
you are beautiful.
wonderful.
precious.
sweet.
lovely.
love.
and as long as you love you, and have love for others, you will be happy.
promises.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
impossible is nothing:
read this entry from a blog i follow. then follow said blog.
http://www.danoah.com/2011/01/turns-out-impossible-isnt-impossible-at.html#idc-cover
http://www.danoah.com/2011/01/turns-out-impossible-isnt-impossible-at.html#idc-cover
all the small things
i find joy and reassurance in the small things that go unchanged.
todays example:
my sister's toilet paper.
in all the time i can remember going to her house, the toilet paper roll has never been on the actual toilet paper roll holder spinny thing.
i dont know why this is comforting, but it is.
i think my world might turn a little the wrong way if i came in and the toilet paper was on its roll.
its the small things.
todays example:
my sister's toilet paper.
in all the time i can remember going to her house, the toilet paper roll has never been on the actual toilet paper roll holder spinny thing.
i dont know why this is comforting, but it is.
i think my world might turn a little the wrong way if i came in and the toilet paper was on its roll.
its the small things.
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