love.

there is love inside of me.

there is a beautiful person, who feels hurt and love.
who has experienced pain and sadness.
who has let me in to his life.

there is passion and excitement. and the new feelings that surface are intimidating yet exciting! how incredible it is to "just love".

without judgement or fear of anything.

dont get me wrong, its scary as all hell. but it doesnt have to be what it isnt, all it has to be is what it is.

love

i love love.

i love loving.

i love being in love.

and i love recieving love.

i love random acts of love.

uncredited moments of passion where one shows love to another anonymously.

i love actions that show love.

and the simple sweet sincere "i love you" - given or recieved.

sometimes i wish i could share love with everyone, other times i know we all need to find it for ourselves.

ive stopped limiting myself.

Love is meant to be shared!

Ive fallen in love.
its a sticky sticky situation.
but its love.
unreturned, but the great thing about it, is while i wish someone would be here to take care of my sickly self, love given consumes me as much as love recieved, and im not lacking in any way.

love someone.
let it happen.
go with it.

You're amazing J.
thank you for being in my life, regardless of the time length.

sometimes we falter.

but that doesnt matter.

what matters is how you react.

falter. stumble. cry like a girly man on the ground for a bit.

but get.Back.UP.

dont give up until youre dead.

this place needs us.
you.

me.

i need you.





im in love.
i really am.
and im tired of wondering.
tired of feeling like the game is over before its been played.


life is for LIVING!


so go fucking live it!

nobody said life has to be lived standing or sitting or dancing. life is to be lived, in whatever ways make you feel the most alive...without sacrificing the happiness of others.


just do it.

just live it.

just love.

tikkun olam.

that is my life.

always has been. i just never knew it.

so of course, since one is either a jew by birth or an officially converted jew by choice...

if i am neither...does that make me not a complete jew but jew"ish" :]

love you God.

thank yuou for love, and life and the beauty of the two.

and michael c hall.

judaism: tikkun olam and "heaven"

"if there is a life after this one, and a reward for what we do, then surely it will be dependent upon the kind of life we have lived - therefore, let us strive to follow God's path for us as closely and as enthusiastically as possible, for then we will surely know all manner of rewards, especially the one of seeing a world that is a better place for our efforts."

creative juices.

he grabbed his keys and tossed them in the air a few times before turning to her.

"i'll see you later babe." he said and kissed her on the cheek blankly. she felt the now familiar emptiness in his kiss, a feeling that has been present in the recent few weeks. it wasnt entirely new, a few months under their belt. Experiences mostly. She couldnt remember a single weekend passing in the recent months that hadnt been spentwatching some crappy B movie on the couch, or playing midnight scrabble matches with him. His eyes always sparkled, and though he was nearing his thirties he looked like a child when he smiled. Their schedules didnt collide as much as she had wanted; he worked half days and half nights, and she worked a closing shift. Their soft glances back and forth at work gave way to butterflies as their coworkers went about their business oblivious to what was happening. they hadnt defined their relationship, and hadnt cared to. One morning after a few hours of scrabble, as they lie in bed curled only between the white sheets as the earliest sun crept through venetians, as their breaths became slow and steady, he sighed a sigh and softly whispered "i love you." she smiled, sleepily and repeated the words, and not since had they been uttered back.

this fact alone was not forgotten in her mind. as his kiss became further and further and his childlike stare became void and more void, she remembered this clearly. her heart sank. but she didnt give in. instead, she turned to him.

"wait." she said, her voice speaking before her mind had a chance to figure out calculated words.

he turned around and she saw it, that look in his eyes. the one that had her reeling everytime she saw him. he tilted his head and gave her a half smile, but she saw right through it.

"yeah? you need something?"he asked.

she walked up and grabbed his hand, turning on her heels and leading him to the couch. he sat as she did the same and she looked at him, feeling a lump in her throat before the first word even escaped.

"baby, youve not been yourself lately." she paused to silently will herself not to cry. she wouldnt be "that girl", she had decided.

his eyes softened, and he knew exactly what she was talking about. the confusion immediately lifted from his brow and he turned his gaze away from her as she spoke.

her words wouldnt form. they came out like bullets.

"i'll let you leave." he looked back up at her, eyes now filled with fear.

"wha?" he whispered as she continued.

"i mean. i know you've been, you havent been you. and i just miss...youve been distant and its just...i dont want you to resent me..." she babbled and he began to lightly shake his head. she couldnt seem to control the words.

"i...i want to...to be with you, " she stammered "but if you dont think that we have a future together than, i'll let you leave..." she repeated. she couldnt help the tear that fell but her hand immediately brushed it away as though that would hide it from his view.

the silence was deafening for a few moments until he started to nervously laugh and turned his head away. she felt "them" crumbling around her. though no tears dropped from his eyes, she could see fear, and that gave her hope. he turned to her and grabbed her hands with his left hand, letting his keys fall to the ground.

with his right he brushed the hair from her face, and as he slid to the ground in front of her he let his hand rest along her jawline directing her eyes to his.

"i dont want to leave." he said swiftly. "i want to stay. and its not about 'the future of us'." she looked at him, unsure of how she was feeling about the words he said, but the feeling of his hand on her face brought back the rush she felt every time his hand grabbed hers.

"you are my future."

:]

i want to do something about the world we live in. under all this crap is a beautiful place. under all this anger and ignorance are beautiful people. i'd really like to see it for what it really is, not just what its being, before my time here is done.

i feel like my existence is more important than what i've allowed it to become. and its time for something meaningful.