harsh i know. and for that i am sorry. let me explain myself.
i dont often speak of things like this, but its been hard pressed on my mind.
im agrowin life. INSIDE MY PERSONS. thats not really something to be taken lightly.
this is not my first rodeo, yet for some reason it is much harder this go around. the estimate is that this being is supposed to arrive within 2 days time from now. and its quite the awkward emotion and feeling thats for sure. my body feels good and bad at the same time. i feel pulled in all different directions as well as pushed down by gravity and its evil vices. I am emotionally sound yet unstable.
im torn between moments of wanting so badly to have this person enter this world, and then others of wanting it to stay inside.
the past few days its been the former of the two. and i need to refocus.
there is a REASON this being is STILL IN THERE.
as a parent, a lover of my offspring i must remember i am willing to go to the ends of the earth for them. I would gladly trade my own comfort, mobility, safety and happiness to ensure they have their own. Why should this be any different? right now, i have comfort of knowing this person inside is comfortable. safe. happy. unaware. and simply because of my discomfort i will not allow myself to feel anything less.
it may be a constant reminder needed. but my body is doing something incredible. it is growing life. life which, to be very personal, was not expected to be.
when we agreed this was the path to take for another soulmate, we knew it might not happen. we trusted this universe and all that is in it. and it pulled through. I dont know why i was gifted such a thing. but i am. i refuse to accept this as anything other than a labor of love. every movement, every pain every step is important and necessary to its arrival, its happiness. and if we realy want to hippify it....
there is a purpose for everything related to this, and it is in some way affecting this world like the flap of a butterfly's wings.
