what is this about?

what is it all about?

life is good and we need to feel good in it.

i started this blog for one reason and one reason only: love.

we need more of it.

and today is about love for ourselves.

my cousin committed suicide recently.

thankfully he is an organ donor, and 7 families will feel love once again. miracles and life.

however Andy is no longer here, and he didn't feel the love. through no fault of anyone elses, and i can understand this. why didn't he love himself? why didn't he give himself another chance?

its important to look at the entire picture.

lets be blunt.

i'm 23.

im 5 ft 9 ish.

i'm a size 14. but if i dont get the longs, no go.

with a size 11 shoe.

asymmetrical dimples and prominent brows.

18 months ago i was 281 lbs.

i dont like admitting that. at all.

but i SHOULD! look at me!

im beautiful!

we are lovely people. we are. so different and diverse. lets be honest, you cant choose who you are physically attracted to. but you can choose to love yourself.

i have lost a good deal of weight. and i am not done. but i lvoe me how i am, and thats epic.

the other day while staying at a friends house my body woke me at 530 am, demanding of me some quality time.

i showered and spent some time with myself. i put on a song that makes me feel wonderful and i danced. i danced in the shower, i danced out of the shower. i danced with myself and sang. it felt wonderful. i was having a wonderful time and i saw myself in the mirror, i felt beautiful and lovely. an that is so important. it was at that moment the day was GOING to be good. there was no denying it. this couldn't be a bad day. i breathed it all in. im such a beautiful person. smetimes you need to just say all you are, who you are and what makes you amazing. send it into the world and let the atmosphere know who you are.

im incredible. im quirky and sometimes i dont finish my sentences.

i listen to songs on repeat wayyy too much.

i fall hard when i fall.

i love loving but am scared sometimes of it as well and thats okay.

i want to help people.

i send care packages to soldiers overseas and sometimes letters to let them know they are loved.

i take pictures of myself. i take pictures of others. i really want to take photos of military families who need some professional photos to send overseas to their loved ones.

i love working with kids. their emotion is raw and beautiful and simple.

i love to sing and cardance.

i want to build houses for those that need them.

bring water to families without it.

a dream of mine was to go to africa and help people there.

i want to find the cause of cancer, because im confident its more something that can be avoided rather than cured. i dream about it.

i give to the homeless and really try to avoid judgement.

i love God. even if i hate religion.

i work on my body.

i sing! doesnt mean im good, just means i do it.

i believe and act on doing what you love.

i am in school to master Spanish and ASL and then i want to work for a non profit.

thought about learning phlebotomy and working for the red cross.

i dance! even though its not the best i dance anyway!

wearing sundresses and fun diddies makes me feel beautiful.

i like hand holds and my head on peoples shoulders and that nook where i just seem to fit.

i love my friends very much.

i love people.

i try to pay it forward all the time.

i am there for people.

i like to play footsies.

i love music. it is such an integral part of my life.

i love learning!

i do wish i could get a degree just taking the classes i love.

im not good at math and i accept that.

i want to take a bath like in pretty woman.

i dont always say what i want to or what i mean. but i try.

i really really dont like negativity. i think it breeds more of itself. i try to breed positivity. :]

i love animals.

im learnign to love exercise.

i dont like camping but im working on hiking.

i love feeling powerful and invincible.

i want to take personal defense and kickboxing and martial arts.

i love feeling safe in someones arms, be it family, friends, or lovers.

i dont want to be toned.

im not ashamed of most everythign ive done. i have rethought about my actions in some cases now.

i LOVE to laugh.

i LOVE adventures.

i could drive and ride in the car for hours with just music and a good person with me.

i love me. im a good person, im beautiful and sometimes sexy. i can be adorable or pretty and downright silly.

i have the best sisters and brothers ever.

im an open book and i try not to fib.

i really think that we all need to just open up to others. lay it all on the table.

:]

spend quality time rather than just time with someone.

and i really think we all need quality time with ourselves.

just like dating and courting happens before relationships and marriage...we need more us time.

we are beautiful people.

take a moment and just say all that is good about you. :]

because you know what, i love you. and you should too.

please, if you are contemplating suicide...get help.

its not the answer. you could be here experiencing love and happiness.

let us give that to you.

contact a friend or family member you trust. and talk.

you wont regret it.